Copping Out — The moment my body ran before my mind did

I had just made it back home on Second Phase for what felt like the third time in a row.

By then I lived with a constant, buzzing paranoia, a low-grade terror that at any second I could be slammed back to First Phase. My setbacks had been so random and so blindsiding that I never saw them coming.

I walked on eggshells inside my own skin.

It was early morning.

Another Oldcomer was staying at the house, using it as his host home. He was barking orders, getting the newcomers ready to head to the building. The usual chaos.

I was in my old bedroom, finally, finally, enjoying a sliver of silence. The sun was just starting to rise, soft light spilling through the window.

For the first time in days, maybe weeks, my shoulders dropped. I let myself breathe. I let myself relax.

Then it hit me.

No bolts.

The thought came out of nowhere, sharp and electric. I sat up straighter. My eyes locked on the window frame.

No bolts.

I stood up fast, my heart already thudding. As I walked toward the window, adrenaline surged so hard it felt like my blood dropped straight into my legs. My neck tightened. My jugulars pounded like someone knocking from the inside.

NO BOLTS.

Louder now. Impossible to ignore.

I reached the window. My fingers touched the frame.

It moved. Smooth and effortless, like it had been waiting for me.

And then...

Everything went black.

No transition. No decision. No conscious thought.

Just nothing.

The next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a road, running full speed, lungs on fire, legs shaking.

I stopped only because my body couldn’t go another step. I bent over, gasping, completely disoriented.

Where was I? How did I get here? What had I done?

It took a full minute for my brain to catch up with my body.

One: I was out. Two: I was in deep, deep trouble. No plan. No money. No idea where to go.

And only minutes, maybe seconds, before the alarm went up that I was missing.

I spun around, trying to get my bearings. Then it clicked. I recognized the road, the tree line, the direction.

I bolted for the woods.

I didn’t stop. I didn’t think. I couldn’t breathe right.

I just ran until the fear behind me felt farther away than the fear inside me.

I didn’t stop until I felt safe.

Or at least safer than I’d ever felt inside that house.